My Shadows.

//Saturday, July 26, 2008 4:46 PM

累，困。

一个礼拜又这样过了，
是不是有考试的加持所以时间过的特别快，快的让人不知所措？
这几个礼拜的心情像坐过山车似的，忽高忽低，
我一直游走于快乐与不快乐，开心与不开心得灰色地带。
很快的，我又要考试了，
2008年对我来说似乎都在游走于考试的边缘。
我很希望这样的日子能快点过，
我已经累得有点承不下去了，
不管是身体或者心灵上的累，
都让人好难以承受哦。

最近，开心的事与不开心的事都到达了一个平衡点。
我也很想乱发一顿脾气，
但我知道发脾气不能解决问题，
我知道就算我大哭大闹，哭完闹完以后，我还是要解决问题，
问题依旧存在。
情绪找不到一个宣泄的地方，郁闷难耐的心情真是难受死了。

现在的我好难过！

原来，我们真的只能维持朋友的关系。
测验失败。

我现在更难过得想要哭了!
我从来没有说过我没有错,
我也更没有一位的把责任,矛头指向你,
我也很清楚的知道我的物理本来就不好,
i see no link in wad u are trying to say,
而你用了我最讨厌的那种语气跟我说话，
我听了当然很生气，很难过。
别人扭曲了我所说的话，而你却一味的听尽她人所言，
你对，是我的错，我没勇气面对面与你交谈，
因为我讨厌当面对质，讨厌别人因我的话而受到伤害。
这就是为什么多数人宁可把话藏在心里，而不说出来的原因。

原来，世界真的那么残酷。
人的天马行空也真的很恐怖。

//Friday, July 11, 2008 6:46 PM

I'm not feeling quite chirpy for this week.a lot of things have been happening and i'm really not coping well with everything.

I just want to say:
Dun presume that I know everything.i'm learning like everyone of u.i'm not formidable,i'm a genius and i am not talented.so please,stop using e excuse that because i did well for my MYE,i'm good at everything.I'M SIMPLY NOT.

Dun treat me like a voluntary worker.i helped out in the class,helped u guys to collect work because i'm e rep.so stop bombard me with stuffs like keep approaching to teacher,treating me like ur maid. u may say i'm egoistic.u may say i'm selfish.but i think i got the right to say 'NO' at times.in fact,i'm annoyed sometime.

i'm in a pretty upset mood lately.so pardon me if I lose my temper at you,keep on swearing.i dun mean to do anything above.but i just can't seem to control my emotions lately.

It's just so not myself.

Sorry if i hurt you guys in any way.i dun mean it.
Sorry if i seem annoyed or angry all the times.i dun mean it.
Sorry if i blurt out some very unpleasant words.i really dun mean it.

Life is never a smooth-sailing journey for me.
Dun push me too hard.my life is just as hard as u guys.

勤能补拙。
我累了，
我又处于在我人生的迷惘期。

//Monday, July 07, 2008 12:13 PM

16 more weeks..

It's a futile attempt not to acknowledge the fact that O level is starting in 16 weeks' time!!!
i'm still slacking,taking my own sweet time to study.i seriously want to strangle myself!!
yes,i can feel the anxiety,fear inside my heart but i could do nothing if my mind,hand,legs do not want to cooperate with me!
well,i did study. i'm on pace with teachers for humanities subject.because i felt that there is simply no point chionging to the frontline without knowing what happened.
as for science subject,i seriously feel that my standard for chemistry is dropping.i haven been revising much for chemistry and my reaction lately towards all subjects including chemistry is a little bit retarded.grr.
as for maths,nevertheless,bomb us with papers.ms sim is teaching at the speed of light.could barely catch what she says.and i gotta clear my doubt on 1 qn.cos she zooms like siao,i can only catch bits and pieces of wad she is saying.and those bits and pieces i catch for this qn just dun fit inside the puzzle.
English,i am really trying very hard to absorb whatever i can for english.regardless of skills or vocabulary,i CAN'T AFFORD TO FAIL MY ENGLISH.i'm so damn scared and worried for my english.sometimes,i wonder,why can't my i speak english fluently and write it well?blame it on myself.

i can sense fear brewing inside my heart,stomach like clench fists whenever i think 'O's are simply so near yet so far.i'm seriously not prepare for it.
up till now,i'm still having doubts about myself.

well,enough of all those unhappy things.let me talked about one thing that make me feel thrilled all weekend long despite the overwhelming fear inside my heart.

i shouldn't hold a flippant attitude towards 'O's.that shouldn't be the case.[P.S.ok,i didn't hold a flippant attitude.just that i love to procrastinate.]

KNOW WHAT?Ngee Ann Poly is introducing Chinese Media and Communication!
WOOHOO!i'm just so thrilled,excited,jubilant when i saw this at NP webbie!!
hahas,yippee!!=)
well,one moment i was thinking whether i should go for DPA,worrying whether the new courses introduced next yr is of my likings or not,and the next moment i know,NP is introducing this new superb course!=)hahas.i'm just so elated to know this piece of news!=)
i'm really going to work very hard to get inside this dream course of mine!definitely!=)
i will still put Chinese Studies inside one of my choice,just that this course will definitely come 1st.

but hey,before all the joy overwhelmed me,i guess the top priority will be that i passed my 'O's with brilliant colour!working hard for it.i'm definitely going to pull through this ordeal.
i'm definitely putting my 200% effort inside this battle!i'm really really going to work hard for it.
so if anyone see me slacking,hit me real hard,ok?

我只是普通的人，
成绩不是我决定的，
不用这样抬举我，
拿到第一算什么？
我就一定要什么都会吗？

我也有犯错的时候，
我也有不会的时候，
我也有茫然的时候，
我也有不懂的时候，
何必这样抬举我呢？

我讨厌你们把我当成博士来看待，
我讨厌你们把我当成天才来看待，
我的成绩是我一步一个脚印摸索出来的，
我并非聪明，我反而很不灵光。

如果给我选择，
我要一步一个脚印慢慢的爬。
一时的成就，不代表什么。

我讨厌你们投以我那种我什么都会的眼神。
我是地才，不是天才。
搞清楚了吗？

我没有勇气跟你面对面交谈，
因为很有可能到时候，你所认识的我将彻底瓦解。