My Shadows.

//Sunday, March 23, 2008 11:37 AM

Well,March is coming to an end soon and this means that our 'O' levels is another month nearer.
but next week,we are going to have our great motivational workshop,so we gotta miss 3 days of our lesson.i feel so weird blogging now,cos i got nothing to say,but i guess i have to clear the pile of wild grasses growing in blog for not updating for so long.=.="

well,actually,today something crossed my mind.but i brushed it off quite immediately.i was thinking if i get good results during my O,maybe,just maybe i will get into a JC.but there was only 1 JC in my mind and that is HCI.but recalling e fact i needed 3 points for my O,i think it is highly unlikely i got e chance to enter such elite school.and so i'm back to square,pursuing my diploma dreams.well,i gotta stop dreaming or wondering how many points i will get for my O because actions speak more louder than words,or perhaps dreams in this case.

finished my 1st Chemistry SPA maybe 2 weeks ago?and that experience was so horrifying although my experiment didn't goes too badly.just that mr kat keep looking at me.felt so pressurized.what's more,couldn't light the bunsen burner.except for that few "accidents",nothing goes really quite wrong,answer tally with the others,so not much problems,except for e conclusion,which i dunno what to write.

i hope my physics SPA come soon.but i'm really afraid of it.since physics has always been my....
u guys should know,but i will still do my best.
i will definitely try my best to get good results for my O,and after that i'm going to do a series of things that i want.
learn sports like tennis,bowling or maybe squash.
learn languages like Malay, sign language.
learn other things like FIRST AID,inline skating.
but skating,perhaps the June holidays.
i dunnid to be 十八般武艺样样精通，but i want to 十八般武艺样样略通。

gtg.i'm going to study my chem le.got chem test tmr.
smilex always!=)

有时候，适当的谅解是必要的。

//Sunday, March 02, 2008 11:00 PM

020308

Well,gotta admit that time flies very fast and now we are in the month of March.
we are indeed a month nearer to O level and yet,i'm still not in the O level mood,instead i think i relaxed quite a lot after the horrifying CT.but hey,O level is still not over yet.ok,maybe dun talk until so long,MID-YEAR IS STILL NOT EVEN OVER YET,but yet I RELAXED LIKE SIAO!
i think i must be nuts,i must be crazy to take everything around me so lightly.GOSH,what is happening to me?

No,i mustn't be like this.i should seriously start cracking NOW.of course,with Chemistry SPA coming up,i mustn't slack.but hey,what can i do to prepare for practical?there is no acid for me unless i distilled orange juice from functional distillation or some apparatus that i don't even know wad it is called?or obtained alkali using soap?i can't stop SPA coming,but wad can i do to prepare for it?i'm so worried for SPA,as everyone know,my practical is practically horrendous.but ya,just like what my mum told me,you haven't even try,so stop demoralizing yourself!but hey,is Physics SPA this week?i have little ideas,or perhaps clueless since Miss Lim is on MC?gosh,physics here i come to.....

not only that,i seemed to 踩到地雷似的.
everybody seemed to be quite unhappy with me or become quite annoyed with me.
hey,what's wrong with me?people keep giving me attitude,making me to be quite in a fix,causing me to 坐也不是，站也不是.sometimes,i am at lost of what to do.
or perhaps the problem lies with me?maybe i have been behaving like a microscope,observing people of their little details, of their expressions,causing me to be so stressed up and lost.well,i can't possibly pleased everyone.not when i can't even please myself.

我累了。
我真的累了。
无论是心理，还是身体，我都累了。
我讨厌时不时都要察觉别人的脸色才做事情，
我讨厌自己常常变成一个显微镜，
放大别人的心情好坏，
才依旧他们的心情来做事情。

我要做我自己，
我不喜欢人家时不时跟我露出厌烦的表情，
我会害怕，我会彷徨，
我的心情你们能了解吗？
无论是在学校或报馆，
我的心情，不应该由你们来左右。

我不喜欢自己时不时跟一颗定时炸弹相处，
我怕了，我慌了，我累了。
让我休息，好吗？

最后，在这一次以后，
我绝不做我不喜欢做的事情，
我绝不参与我不喜欢的活动，
以免自己辛苦、难受、懊恼。
我后悔了，但我已没有后路可走了。

不要以为你很懂我，
其实你也不过如此罢了。

不要到了最后，
等我崩溃，
等我像一座火山爆发后才后悔，
那时，真的已经太迟了。