My Shadows.

//Sunday, April 29, 2007 10:37 PM

Chinese Exams tmr.

tmr tested for chinese and this is the 1st time i need to memorise so much for the format.
as we aren't (or should i say i) sure of wad it is tested, i memorise all the format and those words that can be used.
feel so nervous and scared.=(..today mood was much more better and was actually MORE better if it isn't for A-C-E to remind me of the Friday Paper.
so stop discussing english paper in front or i will STARE at you or perhaps even glared at you fiercely.
it is just like you get hurt,and u just put a nice plaster onto it.the pain ease off and u suddenly go and tear the plaster away.that kind of pain.
stop reminding about how foolish and silly i was to make such terrible mistake.
and blogging now,make me feel kind of guilty as i wasn't studying.
been feeling so useless that i had not been concentrating real hard for my revision.
but i think i should be glad that i finish memorising chapter 2 of social studies.
not all the notes i have print out but the main points.the main points that i believe.
do wish me good luck for tmr chinese paper.i'm afraid.
gtg.smilex always!=)

P.S.Ace,dun call me after u read this post.anything,let's talk in school and not in phone.
and i know wad stickman is a method of motivation.but this kind of motivation dun motivate me.instead it demoralize me.

//Saturday, April 28, 2007 10:23 AM

Tears couldn't stop

Yesterday was the first paper-English.and i make such a foolish mistake that i cry terribly.and i got chided at home for keep crying over the past months.can u guess how i ever felt when i realise that i didn't do 1 qn and e time is up?and i never make an attempt to change the qn number.and i just lost 4m.and the thought of this make me feel very terrible.i'm going to make sure i'm not going to make such foolish,idiotic mistake ever again.
was feeling so down yesterday.after wad that stickman say i fell from A1 to F9 for chemistry.can u imagine how i felt?and he is worried that i do not have enough time for the preparation.and this added to e depressing feeling i already had.he is a nice teacher but he tends to be kind of blunt at times.and i doubt he know he hurt my feelings.
Life is undergoing such drastic change ever since i reach sec 3.i have not been coping really well with all my work.i do not like science yet i have to face science everyday.i don't know where has that cheerful me gone to,it has disappeared into thin air.i was too naive to think that life is still going to be easy in sec 3.reality have proven me wrong.
i wish my nightmare would end now.i wish all those unhappy thing will end now.i wish.and i wish.
on a happier tone, i'm glad that i have been selected for the BIT.but even this news can't cheer me up.hahas.=(
gtg.starting on social studies Healthcare notes.

*我想我曾经攀爬得太高了, 所以跌下来的时候, 特别痛与难受.*
I'm not going to think of the result,i shall just do my best.

//Saturday, April 21, 2007 11:42 PM

Low-Spirited

Just not again.feeling low-spirited and blueish again.
and i oso dunno wad i should blog.maybe ace is right.we study(or perhaps i study) out of the guilt.reason was i simply feel so guilty if i didn't study for one day.
and i think i didn't study enough for today.been slacking and studying today.been working hard and not working hard today.been putting effort and not putting effort.
and i simply dunno how am i suppose to pass my exams without haven really touching my textbooks.without really studying and preparing for exams.
i just wish my nightmare would be over soon.tell me what i should do and what i should not do.i have so many things undone yet so little time.
i just simply wish i am not in this world.nobody had really been listening to me lately when i'm talking.and can u tell me why?becos i mumble,unclear or wad?
i couldn't understand and i desperately needed to understand.what had happened to me?what is e cause of all this?
and by reading this post,everybody would be telling me that i have been too stressed up.but could i not?
i have really been too relaxing lately and too lenient with myself lately that i was so unprepared for exams.and i'm lost again.
maybe a night sleep would be better.maybe.and i've yet so many things left undone.

//Friday, April 20, 2007 10:09 PM

Unlucky Days

gawd.can u believe how unlucky a person could be?i lost my physics notes on wednesday becos of someone but thankfully it was found and was return to me the next day.den thursday i thought i lost pencil but later i found my pencil today.and today i lost my e thing that protect my badminton racket, but unfortunately, that wasn't found.i mean i am like so unlucky lorx.all e things except for the pencil was not lost by me but by other people.well, partly it was my fault for being so careless.it was *** who left it on the bench and i never put in my bag and it is just simply lost.and i got a nagging from mum for being so careless.urgh.how i am suppose to find that back?anyone noe where i could buy it?so fed up with myself for being so careless lorx.
In any case, today got sports day.was practically doing nothing.hahas.cos i was helping my junior and later after that.slack.go to nighthawk and cheer like crazy.went almost hysterical.and people shoot me with unbelievable and weird stares.Nighthawk came in last but we came in first for Cheering.very good already.we will try harder next year.

After that,went for badminton with melissa they all.that was when the time i lost it.so mad with myself for being so careless.grrr.den now my whole body is aching.with salonpas all over my body.hurts a lot especially the shoulder part.sleeping soon cos i am so tired.=(

haven really study for exams.haiya,realise i have no sense of urgency for exams.i'm a gone case le la.but i'm now doing lots of maths and science for exams.JIAYOU!studying tmr.and somemore, monday still got the interview for BIT[short-term for Beijing Immersion Trip],must prepare myself for it.and hopefully,i will be inside.i badly wanted to go there although mum promises me to go to Taiwan after O level.and ytd,i was so hardworking that i stay in school till 6.40 to study.was really late lorx.and i was just being an extra when 'stickman' is teaching siew lee.i am oso recapping la.hahas.

I can't wait for O level to finish.
gtg.smilex always!=)

and stupid 'uncle' and 'ah pek',stop calling me that stupid nickname.it is not really pleasant for ears.at least something nice,can?

//Saturday, April 14, 2007 12:00 PM

Worried

exams is coming really very soon.by now,i should be fully-prepared and is confidence about the exams.but no for this time round.i only manage to memorise 1 chapter of physics and bits and pieces of other chapter.gosh.i dunno why it is like this.other subject is even worse.there may be high possibility failing my science.i'm feeling so worried about it though i may seem calm and always so high-spirited.i shall just finish this post quickly and start doing my social studies notes.there are so many things for me to memorise yet my brains can't seem to absorb any of the things.my maths graph simply sucks like hell and i dunno how i can pass my E-Maths CT.so many tests near the exams leaving me no time to prepare for my exams.i'm really breaking down le.i dunno how i will pass my mid-year.can i turn back the time?or forward the time?been facing so many ups and downs,difficulties,keep falling down lately.i have never encountered this in my life before.but wad can i do other than consoling myself,encouraging myself?i am so so so low-spirited lately.and i saw many ppl shedding tears lately.that even make me feel worse.and ytd was really an unlucky day.ms foo got hurt and lots of stuffs.fortunately,nth happened bad to me except that i am actually feeling quite lost.
i think e only thing that make me feel happy is that i just left 1 homework and i am free from the workload.i simply dun like this period of time.
signing off.going down to SPH later.Jiayou,xinying!=)

//Sunday, April 08, 2007 11:21 PM

Thoughts

i have no idea why i save my latest post as draft.perhaps i press the wrong button bahx.
in any case,i cried today again.and yes,i mean again.suffering breakdown from time to time.
and my mood have not liften from afternoon.but i guess i'm feeling much more better le.
i got so much to say when i'm not blogging but once i start blogging,i dunno whr to start.
or wad i should reveal.in any case,i just suffer breakdown often now.u dun ask me why cos i oso dunno the reason why.
i never know i used to be so naive.thinking that pure science course is the same as Combined Science.and reality have proven me wrong.i couldn't cope with it.i couldn't cope with the tremendous pressure i have given myself and the workload that is given to me.i just simply couldn't take things off my mind.i used to think of topping the class this year but i know it would hard be to accomplish and i would just be so contented by passing my MYE.
maybe i have climbed too high.that why,the fall make make me suffered so much and the pain is much more beyond my imaginary.
but i have no idea where to start anew.unless u dropped me to combined science.i guess,i just have to endure with all this pressure till the exams end.
i noe i have to pull through this crisis.i noe i have to cos i have no choice.no path to choose.
The cheerful Xinying is not the cheerful Xinying anymore.
and i would never tell people i'm cheerful again becos i noe i'm pessimistic.
In any case,before the clock struck 12,i wish my sister a very Happie Birthday.=)
20 years old le.hahas.

//Friday, April 06, 2007 11:17 PM

060407

Finally,I'm back to update my blog.
and yes,i realize that i have a LONG time not updating my blog,abandoning my blog,leaving my blog in a lurch,but can this be helped?some may say can,but to me,i can't and i dun have the spare time to use computer.can u just simply believe it?i have not used computer for how many days or perhaps even weeks.i wouldn't be able to survive last time if i did not use com for weeks and days but now,due to the circumstances,i have no choice and i'm not grumbling or complaining.i actually don't mind it.ok,do i sound serious?perhaps so.
In any cases,during this period of time of not updating the blog,i got actually so much to say and blog about deep in my heart,wanting u all to know how i actually felt and whatsoever.loads of things happened and i'm learning while trying to manage it.it's been so busy and bustled with activities that i actually had no time to rest nor play.Thus,i fell sick and it in quite a bad state.too stressed up according to people around me.perhaps so but i didn't realise it until they told me and point out this point to me.and after i fell sick,i'm actually feeling so lost and disoriented.
stressed up that i would not be able to catch up with all the work and i have not been able to prove myself wrong.i'm still a bit lost now and feeling afraid to face up the world.but i'm learning to overcome these obstacles.give me time even i noe there is a huge time constraint.i must believe in myself even though i couldn't.exams is coming soon and i have not been really memorising hard.but mum just told me to relax and take it easy.she knew i have been putting a lot of effort.she love me and i love her too.it was her words who brought me out of e agony and fear.i really love her a lot.and i won't deny the fact that i'm a mummy girl.i wouldn't mind coping at home for years or even rot at home.i'm actually having some phobia of facing the world and school.but i'm ok now.even though i'm still working on it.i noe i can even though i'm afraid and i still couldn't convince myself about it.
Won't be able to update my blog very often now as MYE is coming.and the school haven give me the exam timetable.but i noe i got a lot of things to memorize.and i just couldn't wait for O level to come.so i can throw my books high to the sky,let it fall onto to the ground,and i can walk away with pride.i just couldn't wait to throw my science book away.but before all that happens,i'm throwing away this kind of mindset.i'm looking forward to the end of e exams.i'm going to watch loads of english movie to improve my english.not forgetting to mention that i'm actually green with envy with people who completed their O level.i have yet so many to learn.Jiayou.u noe u can do it and i noe i would be able to make it.Sometimes, a small thing would make me realise loads of thing.i just couldn't stop regretting stuffs that i done earlier.
Studying in express isn't easy.smart people are just everywhere.it is hard to top the class so i would be just glad if i'm not the bottom.and i will make sure i would not land to that state.Jiayou.and i'm changing my blogskins which is obviously not done by me.i'm not that talented.hahas.i'm going to improve my english writing.and i noe i can do it de.Jiayou.=)
gtg.smilex always!=)
*U noe u can do it and i noe i would be able to make it.*